Understanding Shadows
by WickedBluerose
Summary: Story takes place on the first night after the episode Revenant when Zed has left Richard and Kahlan to hide the box. When Richard said he had sensed the darkness of Kieran during the spirits hold on him... Kahlan's expression hinted of something as well.


***Story takes place on the first night after the episode Revenant when Zed has left Richard and Kahlan to hide the box. When Richard said he had sensed the darkness of Kieran during the spirits hold on him... Kahlan's expression hinted of something she was not saying of the experience as well that I believe could be beyond what was said in the ep. Much of the facts that were not gathered here from the show was taken from the book with a hinting of where the book left our couple in terms of being together.

**Understanding Shadows**

The fire crackled as Richard and Kahlan sat next to each other leaning against a fallen tree trunk, both lost in thought about events earlier that day. They had spoken about the truth verses the legend of Kieran and his confessor Viviane before Zed had left them to hide the box of Orden. Richard had mentioned the power he felt from Kieran of darkness and magic, but Kahlan had said nothing of what she had felt of Viviane.

Kahlan shared an understanding with Viviane both of duty even above that of her own life as well as the feelings the confessor of ages past felt for her seeker. Now however Kahlan also had a shadow of what it felt like to have that intimacy shared in such a love. Such knowledge that was beyond her own since both she and Richard knew what would happen should they cross that line and become more than friends in a physical way rather than keep that connection in spirit alone. But there was something she didn't know since Vivian herself had died before learning of the one secret that instead of destroying them could truly free them both in this world and the next.

The sense of power and darkness swirled inside Richard's memories. There was something there just beyond comprehension that he was chasing. Something he knew that once he could grasp it would change everything between himself and Kahlan. Excitement of possibilities fought with the fatigue of the days events. Finally shaking his head in frustration the spell of quiet was broken.

"Richard? What's wrong?" Kahlan immediately worried for some lingering effect they had not noticed or anticipated.

"It's nothing... "He looked over into her eyes and could tell that was not going to be enough of an answer. Taking a deep breath he tried to put words to what he was feeling. "When Kieran took over my body... it was like... I don't know how to describe it ... as if we were overlapping not only in the physical area of the body but in our minds as well. I said before how I could sense the darkness and a magic but there is something more there that I can't quite get my mind around. A shadow image or trace of something that is calling me that I need to know yet when I reach for it... it's like fog. It's there but so intangible." His eyes pleaded with hers for understanding of what he didn't know yet needed to figure out.

Kahlan nodded slightly encouraging him to go on and letting him know she was listening closely. "Kahlan, I don't know anything about magic or exactly how it works. You were born with power that I still only understand on the surface, and Zed's abilities are greater than I would have ever dreamed of in the wildest of stories growing up in Hartland. I don't have a birth right to magic, and maybe that is all this is... a person trying to understand a gift he will never have, but I think that it's more than that. Does that make any sense at all?"

She had to choose her words carefully as she knew Zed's secret that Richard was truly his grandson and there was indeed magic in his heritage even if Richard himself didn't know of it yet, but that was also a fact she had to keep silent on as it was not her place to reveal despite the direction the current conversation was taking.

"Richard ..." she hesitated with choosing her words, "using the Sword of Truth is a type of magic. You know this from when you used it again the Mord'Sith. If it was not so then that magic could not have been used against you. You may have more magic within you than you realize. Power reveals itself differently in each of us even despite the similarities in some with magic. The offspring of a Confessor or wizard are not always gifted with exactly the same type or intensity of magic."

"Having never known my mother nor who fathered me... " the thought trailed off and was interrupted by another, "Kahlan... I know you have told me your mother died when you were five.... do you remember her well?"

An expression of pain crossed her face at the mention of her mother, but she pushed it away and focused on what Richard had asked. "I believe so... my sister and I were too young for much of the training laid out for a confessor, but I remember her."

"If it's too painful to talk about -" Richard started to say, but Kahlan cut him off with a quick shake of her head and a small reassuring smile.

"No, it's OK, what did you want to know?" curiosity in where this line of thought was heading crept into her voice.

He averted his gaze for a few moments before looking back to her to continue trying to decide how best to ask the questions that burned in his heart without making her feel like insect to be studied and prodded. "How did your mother die?"

That she had not expected and she swayed back and away a bit from him. "There is much that you don't know about the role of a Confessor having grown up outside of the midlands." She kept her eyes fixed on his. He was smart and it wouldn't take much to make the jump from what she was about to tell him about her mother and what she herself had done in her Confessor role. "You saw in East Marwin a part of it... a Confessor is used to ensure the guilty fully confess their crimes so that it is seen that the correct person is being executed." She looked down and took a moment to gather her voice back from recalling the memory magic that had twisted the truth of her friend's murder in that small town not so long ago. "But there is another part to the responsibility of being a Confessor to the people of the Midlands. Any one sentenced to death has the right to call for a confessor to prove their innocence in giving a true confession."

Kahlan closed her eyes, "Those are the hardest as no one who was guilty would call for a Confessor as it would only prove their crime. Even though they are innocent the confession robs them of themselves." Richard swallowed hard. "The repercussions of such a request can be very dangerous. For this reason, a wizard is assigned to protect the Confessor when she is asked to perform her duties." She picked up a stick and started drawing lines in the dirt to give her gaze something to focus on other than Richard's face. "My mother had been requested away to the town of Gilligan about a half day's travel from where we were staying by a man accused of killing a neighbor's child. After his confession proved him innocent, his grief stricken wife attempted to attack my mother. The man being confessed defended her with his life, but no one thought about the man's small son standing off to the side. The boy in a moment of greater strength than he would normally have been able to muster brought on by the loss of his father stabbed my mother with a poison tipped dagger, and that along with her weakened state...." His hand was now covering hers with the stick and she looked up to meet his eyes with tears welling up in hers.

"Kahlan... have you ever had to ... with someone who was not guilty?" he asked gently as he reached out to brush a lock of hair away from her face. She simply nodded before he heard a whispered "Yes."

Richard pulled her close and held her as she sobbed. He was beginning to hate the Midlands. Not just for the horror which was Darken Rahl that held a menacing shadow over so many, but for a land of people that would put Kahlan through such torment simply because of a power she was born with and had no choosing over.

Once the tears had stopped, and silence had settled in again Richard spoke softly again trying to understand all he could in hopes of protecting the woman he loved against future pain or harm. "You said 'her weakened state"....I've seen how it drains you to use your power... how long does it normally take to fully recover?"

"It's different for each person." She whispered. "In general, the stronger the power in the Confessor herself the shorter the time for recovery. Most take about one day and one night to recover fully to be able to use the power again. My mother needed most of one day."

"And for you?" He asked simply.

She swallowed hard wishing he had not asked. "About two hours."

_Two hours?_ he thought to himself... "Are you able to use your power at all during that time?"

Her faced became puzzled a bit at the question, but she thought carefully and answered the best she could to explain. "No... Until the power reaches a certain threshold there would be no effect in an attempt to release it. It's much like there is a flash point that smoldering wood will catch to flame. Smoke may be given off but would not catch and burn as a fire's flame would do."

Richard's eyes grew large. That was it. That overlapping sense of something that was shared when Kieran had taken hold. It was a shadow of the power of confession. When Kieran and Viviane had been together as lovers it must have been while her power was still recovering as although the wizard of old had feared Kieran to have been confessed that was not the truth of it. His devotion to Viviane was borne of freely given love not love commanded through the forced will of a Confessor's touch.

"Kahlan!" he almost shouted charged with this new understanding... she pulled back enough out of his arms to look at his expression completely at a loss for his sudden change in emotion. "When Viviane took hold of you... did you have that same experience of shared mind as well as body?" She cautiously nodded slightly. "What did you learn of Viviane in that sharing?"

She thought about it for a moment, "There was her devotion to the mission as well as her love for Kieran... temporary joy at their being together that was overshadowed with grief for what had happened to Kieran as a result of their loss of control and the deep endless feeling of loss for everything that she held dear that drove her to comply in taking her own life in hope of repairing some of the damage."

"There was nothing to be guilty for ... Kahlan, I felt some of what Kieran experienced and he was *not* confessed. You told me when a person is confessed the identity of that person is wiped away... the dark rage that overtook Kieran was because he knew his love had died for a lie. He was devoted yes, but out of his choice in love not due to her power. The wizard was wrong, and so many have suffered because of it. "Richard's mind was racing with what this new information could mean.

"But Richard...it's not possible for a Confessor to be with one she loves in passion without releasing her power.... you know that." Her voice strained a bit at having to say aloud the thing that kept them apart.

His eyes shone. "Even if her power was not yet restored?" The challenge stood there between them. She didn't know... not for sure. Was it possible? Could the time of being defenseless to use one's Confessor power be a blessing looked at from another angle? Now more than ever she wished she were not so powerful.

The doubt shown in her eyes. He knew Kahlan could not with certainty say that it was not possible. A loophole had just been found. A small one, but where there is a one small cracking of the door one can start to see a path on the other side. It was late and the fire had died out. They both settled down to sleep, but neither drifted off quickly that night as the future they had dismissed as impossible was starting to seem just a shade less immutable.


End file.
